In a surprise announcement that has kicked the jejunum of the nation, Clawjob has revealed that Karl Christian "The Architect" Rove, who recently tendered his resignation as President Bush's top advisor, will be joining Clawjob's promotional team immediately upon his departure from the White House.
A spokesman for the rock band refuted accusations of taking President Bush's "sloppy seconds" with the comment, "Clawjob is in no way interested in White House detritus. As in the situation with Clawjob's Secretary of T-Shirt and Commemorative Plate Sales Donald Rumsfeld, Mr. Rove in fact decided to leave his political position specifically because he received an offer from his favorite neo-conservative rockers."
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For his part, Mr. Rove is eager to being tearing down Clawjob's enemies. "September 1st cannot come soon enough," he said, his voice quivering at times. "I'm looking forward to helping the people of America recognize that Piles are flip-floppers who can't decide whether they're hard rock or loud rock. And that Paper Thin Stages' experimental rock may play well in Massachusetts and France, but Clawjob rocks America's heartland. Besides, Paper Thin Stages are using keyboards lately, which some have been saying is unnatural and against our true Christian God."
Rove outlined his architecture for the Clawjob future as follows: "Rock and roll is defined as between a man and a man. Civil side-projects are out of the question, and certainly should not retain the same legal rights as a real band. We're going to take this country back."
Allegations that Rove intentionally leaked a covert track off the upcoming Neptune LP, putting them in serious danger of further European exposure, were shrugged off by a representative from Claw Solutions. "These allegations are completely off-base and underhanded, and amount to near-slander of this model citizen. Clawjob will certainly benefit from Mr. Rove's consistent demeanor, family values, Emperor Palpatine facial resemblance, and SICK FLOW. Also, Rumsfeld has been sitting alone in the cafeteria for too long."
POSTED BY CLAWJOB, 01:58
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